They Have A Happy Marriage - Their Secret? Everyone Should Do THIS Before Tying The Knot.
Kathleen Shipman 6/30/2016
An honest discussion with a few simple questions may be the key to long term marital bliss.
The decision to marry someone is perhaps the single most critical decision that can change the rest of ones life trajectory. Lovestruck, many of us take that next step in the relationship knowing it will be forever and yet somehow more than half of the marriages in the United States end in divorce. NYTimes has the list of 13 questions you can ask your significant other to know if "yours forever" will truly be so. So ask away...
How Did Your Family Resolve Disagreements?
Was there a lot of dish throwing, shouting, or sulking in your family? Finding out just how your significant other grew up dealing with disagreements and crisis can be a great way to get an idea of how they might react in the future and if ground rules are needed to handle arguments constructively.
Do You Want Children?
It takes two to tango, and also to make and raise a child. Since parenting is not a hobby done single-handedly it is important to ask if your mate wants children and if so how active and involved they plan to be.
How Will Our Ex-Relationships Impact Our Current One?
Few are lucky who have found Mr. or Mrs. right with their first try. For the rest of us though a dating history might be worth getting into prior to marriage. Talking about serious break-ups, causes of previous heart aches, or even the "good times" can keep judgments and jealousy away down the road. Being accepting of each others past can only strengthen the future.
Are You Religious?
As interracial and interfaith marriages become more common, it is necessary to find out exactly what role religion will play in the married life. Are there special religious holidays that will be celebrated? Will there be dietary restrictions? Will there be church every Sunday? Being respectful towards each others religious preferences must be a common goal.
How Will We Share Our Financial Burden?
Now that people are getting married later and later in life, the vows might come with financial debt. Discuss beforehand what these might be and how they will be treated and incorporated in a financial future that involves two.
What Do You Consider A Splurge?
Along the same lines as above, it is important to get to know each other's spending habits. Asking how much one would spend on say a car, clothes, shoes, might be a good indicator of personal finances and the first step in setting up a budget that both can agree on.
What About Personal Space And Time?
No matter how much you love someone, there will always be people, things, and interests, that you don't have in common. "What if I want to hang out without you?" might not be a bad thing to ask to prevent fights later and respect each other's unique interests.
Do You Like My Parents?
Because marrying someone is also marrying the rest of the family, ask for their honest opinion on how they like and get along with the parents. It is important to know if the "mama's boy" or "daddy's girl" will have an overbearing impact on your relationship and how it can be dealt with. It will make hanging out during holidays easier and also give a good foundation to taking care of the family as time goes on.
How Important Is Sex In Our Relationship?
Since physical happiness in a marriage is equally important as emotional, ask each other what sex means to you and if any considerations need to be made to keep both partners happy.
Is Flirting With Others And Pornography Okay With You?
At one time, it might have been okay to just assume a "no" to this, but with changing times it is a good idea to be direct and find out exactly what sexual exclusivity means in your marriage.
How Do We Say "I Love You"?
Words might be the most direct way of telling someone you love them, but so are buying them gifts, spending quality time, cooking a gourmet meal, or cleaning the bathroom. Find out what ways are most important to each of you and nurture your love by doing those things more.
What Do You Like About Me And What Drives You Nuts?
There should be no beating around the bush for this one. Telling your partners the qualities that you admire most in them can be affirming to the relationship. Also, don't be bashful in discussing the pet peeves because it is the little things - like making the bed - that can cause a rift in the long term.
What Will Our Relationship Look Like In 10 Years?
This might be the best question on how the relationship will handle all that is thrown at it. Discussing the positive milestones as will considering possible solutions if the relationship takes a turn will keep you both on the same page long term.
It's Now Time To Chat
Taking your relationship to that final stage might have just gotten a little easier with these questions. Grab a bottle of wine and talk to each other and find out if your answers lead you to the path of happy matrimony. What's best? They encourage clear communication which is the key to all great relationships.