Mom Places 5 Rubber Bands On Her Wrist, Shares Trick Of How It Makes Her A Better Parent
LifeAspire Staff 6/2/2017
When it comes to emotional sanity, there is life before kids and life after kids. Dealing with little humans and their logic defying thought process is exhausting to say the least, and even the wisest and calmest amongst us tend to lose it more than we would like to believe.
As parents however, it is our responsibility to lead by example and that includes our reactions to these out of control moments. While shouting or yelling might come more naturally, keeping these frustrations in check and reverting to more constructive methods is not only best for the parent, but also for the child.
There is no shortage of books and advice on just how to accomplish this, but if you don't have time to read them all, here is a quick and easy trick you can implement right away to make sure that you are raising an emotionally smart child, all the while feeling in control yourself.
Shauna Harvey is a mother of two who had just about enough trying to take care of her newborn while also discipling her 4-year-old. There were days when things got so out of hand that it literally brought tears to her eyes. She says:
"I've found myself so incredibly stressed out, I beat my head against the wall daily because I don't understand why my 4 year old insists on being disrespectful and a non listener. I was to the point of crying at least every other day."
But something she read on Kelly Holmes blog Idealist Mom changed Shauna's outlook on how she dealt with her daily parenting challenges. All she needed were 5 hair-tie rubber bands to get started. In the morning, Shauna stretches the rubber bands around her wrist, where they remain until she tucks her kids in at night.
The trick is rather simple and straightforward. The 5 rubber bands on Shauna's wrist are like the strikes in a baseball game:
"The 5 rubber bands represent every time you lose your cool or say something unkind to your child. Every time that happens, you move one band to the other wrist. To 'gain the band back', you must do 5 kind/positive things with your child (dance party, singing a song together, reading together, etc)."
The goal is to find alternate and creative ways to deal with a crisis instead of yelling, shouting, or being negative towards your child. And for each time that you do lose it, moving the rubber band to the opposite wrist is a physical reminder that the situation should have been handled differently.
And like Shauna said, to gain that one hair tie back, 5 acts of kindness and positivity with the child must follow.
According to some interesting research by Dr. Gottman, the magic lies in this ratio of 1:5 where each negative interaction must be balanced with five positive interactions in order to keep a relationship stable whether it be between an adult and child, or just adults.
For Shauna, the trick already seems to have paid off on day one! She happily reported in a Facebook post that:
"I have finished the day with all 5 bands on the original wrist. I'm very proud of myself for exercising patience with him. I know it's only day 1 but I'm hopeful this will help our communication skills and our relationship. If you find yourself being that "Angry Mom", try this!"
The over 11,000 shares of her post proves that she is not the only parent who was in need of a solution to the ever frustrating kid logic!
It is said that in parenting, days are long but years are short. Nothing can describe the stresses and joys of raising children better than this statement. We hope that the 5 hair-tie trick is something that forces all parents to slow down and be in charge of their own emotions before attempting to control their child's.
Sources: Facebook/Shauna Harvey, Idealist Mom, The Gottman Institute